she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
