so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
