I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
