At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
