his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just had sex on a roof
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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