I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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