Your face is a jimmy john
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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