All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
