I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
