You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
