I heard we made out
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
