that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize