Life is so much better after having sex.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
