Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
