just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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