I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
