I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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