I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
