I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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