mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
