Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
