If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
