my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
