apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
