this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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