I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
