It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
