if i can run in heels then i can drive
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
