Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Even my vagina gasped.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
