I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
