I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
