Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
