Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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