Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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