I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
