I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
