When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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