White coat. Heels.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i believe in u and ur pee
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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