Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize