idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
