I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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