WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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