Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
