People in love make me want to vomit
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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