I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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