I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
