Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
