So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize