I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I touched a dick in church today
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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