fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
