I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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