Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
