i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
