Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
