Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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