We're like a lot better than the average bears
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
