my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
