My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
