rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
