You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
