Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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