Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
