If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize