glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
