i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
