you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
