My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
