There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
