you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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