I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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