I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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